My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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