From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
