I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
