I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
