YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
