Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
