it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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