I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
high people should be assigned attendants
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
