Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
