I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
