I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
