Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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