My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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