The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
