White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
