You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
