The maid of honor just puked.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
