Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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