I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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