Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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