Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
