um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
