I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
