he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
