Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
