Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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