capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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