i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
