You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
