I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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