so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
