Moan for me like Helen Keller
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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