I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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