i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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