How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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