You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
