Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
