watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
