i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
