dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
