Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
