naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
