just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
