apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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