She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
