I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
