Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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