yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
