So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
