what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why do cheetos always look like penises
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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