Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
