Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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