I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
