you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
