I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
