So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
