Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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