nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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