I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
