just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
