The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
