i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
