I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
