At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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