One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
